Divorce has a profound impact on families. As each person navigates the upheaval of a family separation, children may experience a range of emotions from confusion and sadness to anger and anxiety. While many children exhibit resilience, others may struggle more deeply with the changes in their family dynamic.
It can be difficult for parents to know when their child needs additional support, such as therapy, to help them cope. Here are some key signs that your child may be struggling with the effects of divorce and may benefit from professional support.
How to Recognize When Your Child Needs Therapy During Divorce
Children process the emotional challenges of divorce in different ways. While some might adapt over time, others may face long-term emotional struggles that affect their daily lives. Following are seven signs that your child may need to see a therapist to help them work through the emotional impact of divorce:
Constant Seeking of Reassurance
Children experiencing anxiety due to divorce may frequently seek reassurance, whether it’s from you, social media, or other sources. A constant need for certainty often stems from underlying anxiety. Children might be looking for answers to questions about the divorce, such as where they will live or what will happen to their relationships with both parents. A therapist can help them process these uncertainties and build emotional resilience.
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Significant changes in sleep patterns—either sleeping much more or less than usual—can be a red flag that a child is struggling with the emotional fallout from divorce. Disruptions in sleep are often linked to anxiety or depression. If your child is having trouble sleeping, a mental health professional can assess their emotional state and provide strategies to address both the symptoms and the root cause.
Increased Isolation
Children may withdraw from family activities or friends as they process their feelings about the divorce. While some alone time is normal, excessive isolation can indicate emotional distress. If your child is increasingly staying in their room, avoiding family interactions, or not participating in social activities they used to enjoy, it could be a sign that they need additional support.
Clinginess and Separation Anxiety
Divorce often creates feelings of insecurity in children, leading to clinginess or fear of being separated from their primary caregiver. This behavior is often a result of anxiety, where the child feels uncertain about the future and worries about being abandoned by one or both parents. Therapy can help children develop the confidence and coping skills necessary to manage separation anxiety and rebuild their emotional resilience.
Escaping Reality: Technology and Social Media
Many children process their emotions about divorce by turning to technology and social media, but this can be an unhealthy coping mechanism. Instead of addressing their feelings directly or seeking support from trusted adults, kids may retreat into the digital world, where they can isolate themselves or create a distorted sense of reality. Social media platforms often present idealized versions of others’ lives, which can make children feel more isolated or inadequate as they compare their own struggles with the seemingly perfect lives they see online.
Additionally, constant screen time can prevent children from developing healthy emotional regulation skills. Instead of talking to a parent or therapist about their feelings, they may bury their emotions in gaming, texting, or scrolling through social media feeds. This digital escape might offer temporary relief, but it doesn’t allow for meaningful processing of their emotions, nor does it provide the tools needed to cope with difficult situations like divorce in a healthy way. It’s essential for parents to monitor and limit screen time, encourage open communication, and help children seek support.
Increased Irritability or Emotional Outbursts
Emotional distress caused by divorce can often manifest as irritability or outbursts of anger. Children may struggle with anxiety and sadness, which can make them more prone to irritability. If your child is more easily agitated or has frequent emotional outbursts, a therapist can work with them to address their feelings, explore the root causes of their anger, and help them develop healthier ways to cope with their emotions.
Loss of Interest in Favorite Activities
A child who once loved activities like sports, arts, or reading may begin to lose interest after a divorce. This can be a symptom of depression, especially if your child is feeling overwhelmed by the changes in your family life. A therapist can help identify whether the lack of interest is related to sadness or simply burnout from engaging in these activities. Therapy can also support your child in rediscovering joy and passion for their hobbies.
Changes in Eating and Hygiene Habits
Divorce can sometimes lead to disruptions in eating habits or neglect of personal hygiene. Children may eat much more or less than usual, or they may stop attending to basic hygiene practices like showering or brushing their teeth. These changes often accompany depression or heightened anxiety. If your child is neglecting self-care or experiencing drastic changes in eating habits, it could be a sign that they need therapeutic support to process their feelings and develop healthy routines.
How to Find a Mental Health Professional
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to seek professional help to support your child through the emotional challenges of divorce. One of the first steps is to speak with your child’s pediatrician, who can offer advice and recommend a therapist. Talking with all the healthcare providers familiar with your child’s development will help ensure they understand how your child is coping with the divorce.
School counselors can also be a great resource. They may have recommendations for therapists who have worked with children experiencing similar challenges. Additionally, online therapist directories allow you to search for professionals who specialize in children’s therapy, particularly those who have experience helping kids cope with family transitions like divorce.
When searching for a therapist, looking for someone trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help children reframe negative thoughts and behaviors. If your child is dealing with anxiety or emotional issues related to the divorce, a therapist who specializes in exposure therapy or attachment-based therapy can can be particularly beneficial.
Proactively Seeking Help
It’s crucial not to wait for your child to exhibit severe emotional distress before seeking therapy.
If you suspect that your child is having a difficult time adjusting to the changes caused by divorce, it can be beneficial to reach out for help before the situation escalates.
Leah Hill – Founder + CEO, Divorce Strategies Northwest
Therapy can provide your child with the tools they need to process their emotions, cope with the changes, and adjust to their new family dynamic.
Divorce can be a difficult experience for children, but with the right support, they can learn to cope with the emotional challenges it brings. By recognizing the signs that your child may need therapy and connecting with a qualified mental health professional, you can provide them with the tools and support they need to adjust to this new chapter in their family life.
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